Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm baaaaaaaaack

I know all (2) of my followers were devastated when my blog took a hiatus in August. Not to fear though, I'm back! I figured the beginning of spring training is as good a time as any to start my blog back up, especially with such optimism surrounding the Orioles; something that has been missing for the past.. oh I don't know.. 15 years. If you don't know where the optimism is coming from I suggest you get caught up on the moves the Orioles made this off season. Luckily for you, I'm going to do that for you right here in my next two posts.

The first big splash was made with the trade for Third-baseman and home run hitting machine Mark Reynolds. Reynolds is the Former NL home run champion, and provides a huge upgrade over the Miguel Tejada/Josh Bell platoon last season. The only thing Reynolds is known more for than his home run hitting prowess is his astronomical strikeout totals, which although scary, are offset by his power and (yeah this makes no sense) patience. Reynolds will probably be in the 5th spot most nights, and will provide protection in the lineup for Luke Scott and Matt Wieters.

The 2nd big trade the Orioles made, was the acquisition of JJ Hardy, the former Milwaukee Brewer. Hardy is an excellent defensive shortstop, who is just 2 years removed from a 24 home run season. Hardy has been plagued by injuries, but if he can stay healthy he will provide a mammoth upgrade over Cesar Izturis, who looked like he was hitting with a whiffleball bat all last season. Actually I'm sure an injured JJ Hardy, even while on the disabled list could match the offensive production Izzy provided last season. It was that bad.

These two players in themselves provide an immense upgrade offensively and defensively for the Orioles formerly abysmal left side of the infield.

Oh wait!! There's more!!

I'll keep you on the edge of your seats until my next post!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Karma Killed The Kitten.. Or Worse...

So if you didn't know my favorite team is the Baltimore Orioles. I have an obsession with them that I dare anyone to try to match. All you have to do is step into my pumpkin-orange Orioles wonderland, AKA my bedroom, and you'll immediately drop what ever paltry argument you have claiming to be the world's biggest fan of (insert team here). I make Ben Affleck look like a Yankees fan, and George Steinbrenner look like the Red Sox boss. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that during this blissful Orioles winning streak, something bad has to be happening in counter-balance this miracle winning streak. I'm convinced that there is no way whatever deity you believe in would let such a thing happen without counteracting it. There must be a debt paid by the world for the sin that is the Orioles winning a baseball game. Lets put it into perspective with this photo every male has seen and pondered:

Millions of dead kittens everyday, just to counter-act the typical males need to shake hands with mr. president. Now imagine the terrible things that have to happen to counter-act the terrible sin that is an Orioles winning streak. Lets break down the last 9 days:

August 3rd: Orioles win 6-3; 9 people killed at Connecticut beer distributor
August 4th: Orioles win 9-7; Man kills his infant because he want him to stop 'acting like a girl'
August 5th: Orioles win 5-4; Wyclef Jean decides to run for president of Haiti, poor Haiti
August 6th: Orioles win  2-1; Forest fires in Russia dump toxic fumes all over over Moscow, many dead
August 7th: Orioles lose 4-2; 4 year old saves infant who fell into swimming pool in Florida
August 8th: Orioles win 4-3; 2 U.S. marines die in Afghan bomb attack
August 9th: Orioles win 3-2; 2 convicted murderers escape prison and kill another couple
August 10th: Orioles win 14-8; 3 killed in a murder in Ohio
August 11th: Orioles win 3-1; Justin Bieber didn't get hit in the head by another water bottle. Sad times.

The Orioles need to stop winning for the sake of our country and the entire world, or better yet, the gods need to stop being so jealous. Although I suppose its possible this is all merely coincidence and god doesn't give a shit about the Orioles just like most everyone else.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My Dad, The Pushover

Alright so my dad might come off as this bad-ass super cop who can rip phone books in half with the effort it takes to tie his shoes. He may come off a fine-tuned well-oiled beast of man who scares grizzled old men just by looking at them. Its true he can take down a bear and put it in a full nelson and he may or may not have the state police record for consecutive push-ups. Let me tell you a secret though; all it takes for him to break down and give my brother and I whatever we want is a 2-headed verbal blitz with a little enthusiasm for whatever it is we want. He's helpless against us, no matter how hard he tries, he caves.

Case in point, tonight we wanted Pizza Hut. Their thin crust pizza is delicious, and my brother is partial to the pepperoni stuffed crust. So we schemed for a quick minute, and decided to put on the blitz. We stood outside his bedroom and when he came out he looked at us and grinned, we had him. We could have asked for a new car, a vacation, a gigantic pool filled with jello, whatever. It wouldn't have mattered, we had him and we knew it. All it took was a sheepish grin back at him and a "how about Pizza Hut tonight?" Boom!! Here I am back at home full of delicious Pizza Hut pizza without breaking a sweat. Thanks Dad!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Matusz, Make Me Some Money!

Brian Matusz, Orioles starting pitcher. Why is he significant? Because I own 70 of his eTopps cards.

So what? Well, If Matusz somehow strikes out 13 White Sox tonight, I'll make $15 per card, courtesy of Etopps. Thats $1,050 dollars, and all Matusz has to do is strikeout 13 Sox.

First and foremost, I realize I am sad human being for owning 70 cards of one player, let alone an Oriole. I also realize that he has never struck out more than 8 guys and he's pitching against the AL Central leading White Sox. So what if his ERA is over 5 and he's gone less than 4 innings in 4 of his last six starts? I am an optimist.

I'm gonna win some money, damnit. I mean lets be honest, Matusz throwing 13 strikeouts is more likely than all of the following:

  • Me winning the lottery
  • Brett Favre deciding what he's going to do, and sticking with it
  • Brian Matusz walking 13 guys tonight
  • A cruise ship sinking tonight
  • Justin Bieber getting a water bottle thrown at his head again
  • The Orioles getting a game on ESPN
  • The Yankees or Red Sox not getting a game on ESPN
  • Hell freezing over
  • Pigs falling from the sky
  • Michael Jackson pulling a Tupac
  • Tupac pulling a Michael Jackson

Thats a pretty lengthy list of things that are LESS likely to happen than Matusz striking out 13 White Sox. I've got my fingers crossed.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

If You Didn't Know, Running Sucks.

Running sucks. I know some people enjoy it, and I am very happy for you guys, because you get to enjoy something that is very healthy and good for you. In my humble opinion however, running sucks. While I am running, all I can think about is how shitty I feel. Now admittedly, after I am done running I feel great, but while I am running I want to die. Yes that's right, I want to die. I want to keel over on the side of the road and never wake up. This photo is a good summary of how I feel while I'm running:

Poor little Benny (You'll be happy to know that Benny was taken in by a family and is now a happy and healthy dog). I feel exactly like Benny felt at the moment of this photograph every single second that I am running. 

 Somehow my dad convinced me to do the Warrior Dash 5k in September. What the hell was I thinking? Let me break down Warrior Dash for you, basically its a 5k (which I have never done in my life) on steroids. Imagine a horde of people (possibly drunk) running through the woods wearing viking helmets crawling through the mud under barbed wire, climbing cargo nets and jumping over flaming fire death pits. I really conceivably could die doing this, thanks dad. Admittedly, it could be the most fun I'll ever have running, but damn, its probably still going to suck.  Looks like I'm going to have to feel like Benny a lot more in the next few weeks to prepare for this disaster.

Lesson Learned, Buy American

Well this is the last time I buy something from someone in Thailand. The allure of a new Jozy Altidore USA soccer jersey for $30 was too much to pass up, but I immediately paid the price. Check out the before and after on this baby:


How depressing. I only wore this thing twice, and washed it once and now I'm a proud supported of Jozy Tidore, who is Tidore? As soon as I noticed this disaster I e-mailed the seller with these incriminating pictures and he said he was going to send me another one. What I think is actually happening though, is that he is waiting for the 30-day buyer protection to expire so he doesn't have to send me anything, and if that is the case I'm going to blow a gasket because I didn't order this junk. Then again, maybe its karma.

Note to self: Buy American from now on you fool.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Orioles Lose, This Sucks

Well the Orioles win streak was ended today thanks to a shaky bullpen and Gavin Floyd. The O's started out promising, taking a 2-0 lead thanks to an RBI single and a home run by Adam Jones. Speaking of Adam Jones, look at this beauty that came in the mail today:

$8.00 for Adam Jones' autograph AND a piece of his jersey? That sounds like a bargain to me. He crushed a home run into the bleachers and I was feeling pretty good about a 5 game winning streak, but the bullpen gave up single runs in the 7th, 8th and 9th and the O's lost 4-2.

You may not know but I have $100 bet this season going with my friend Josh that the Orioles wont be the worst team in baseball. Yeah, yeah I know it may have been a stupid bet, especially after the O's started 2-16, but I didn't think their ineptitude would continue. I was mistaken. Luckily for me, the Pirates have been nearly as crappy and the O's are only 2.5 games behind. If the O's can pull this one out for me I am probably going to be even more unbearable about the Orioles then I am right now (yes that is possible).

Tomorrow is another day, and as I'm writing this the Pirates blew a 5-2 lead in the 9th, so maybe there will be some consolation for this loss.