Karma Killed The Kitten.. Or Worse...

So if you didn't know my favorite team is the Baltimore Orioles. I have an obsession with them that I dare anyone to try to match. All you have to do is step into my pumpkin-orange Orioles wonderland, AKA my bedroom, and you'll immediately drop what ever paltry argument you have claiming to be the world's biggest fan of (insert team here). I make Ben Affleck look like a Yankees fan, and George Steinbrenner look like the Red Sox boss. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that during this blissful Orioles winning streak, something bad has to be happening in counter-balance this miracle winning streak. I'm convinced that there is no way whatever deity you believe in would let such a thing happen without counteracting it. There must be a debt paid by the world for the sin that is the Orioles winning a baseball game. Lets put it into perspective with this photo every male has seen and pondered:

Millions of dead kittens everyday, just to counter-act the typical males need to shake hands with mr. president. Now imagine the terrible things that have to happen to counter-act the terrible sin that is an Orioles winning streak. Lets break down the last 9 days:

August 3rd: Orioles win 6-3; 9 people killed at Connecticut beer distributor
August 4th: Orioles win 9-7; Man kills his infant because he want him to stop 'acting like a girl'
August 5th: Orioles win 5-4; Wyclef Jean decides to run for president of Haiti, poor Haiti
August 6th: Orioles win  2-1; Forest fires in Russia dump toxic fumes all over over Moscow, many dead
August 7th: Orioles lose 4-2; 4 year old saves infant who fell into swimming pool in Florida
August 8th: Orioles win 4-3; 2 U.S. marines die in Afghan bomb attack
August 9th: Orioles win 3-2; 2 convicted murderers escape prison and kill another couple
August 10th: Orioles win 14-8; 3 killed in a murder in Ohio
August 11th: Orioles win 3-1; Justin Bieber didn't get hit in the head by another water bottle. Sad times.

The Orioles need to stop winning for the sake of our country and the entire world, or better yet, the gods need to stop being so jealous. Although I suppose its possible this is all merely coincidence and god doesn't give a shit about the Orioles just like most everyone else.

If You Didn't Know, Running Sucks.

Running sucks. I know some people enjoy it, and I am very happy for you guys, because you get to enjoy something that is very healthy and good for you. In my humble opinion however, running sucks. While I am running, all I can think about is how shitty I feel. Now admittedly, after I am done running I feel great, but while I am running I want to die. Yes that's right, I want to die. I want to keel over on the side of the road and never wake up. This photo is a good summary of how I feel while I'm running:

Poor little Benny (You'll be happy to know that Benny was taken in by a family and is now a happy and healthy dog). I feel exactly like Benny felt at the moment of this photograph every single second that I am running. 

 Somehow my dad convinced me to do the Warrior Dash 5k in September. What the hell was I thinking? Let me break down Warrior Dash for you, basically its a 5k (which I have never done in my life) on steroids. Imagine a horde of people (possibly drunk) running through the woods wearing viking helmets crawling through the mud under barbed wire, climbing cargo nets and jumping over flaming fire death pits. I really conceivably could die doing this, thanks dad. Admittedly, it could be the most fun I'll ever have running, but damn, its probably still going to suck.  Looks like I'm going to have to feel like Benny a lot more in the next few weeks to prepare for this disaster.